and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
