So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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