just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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