How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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