I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
