I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Randomize
