I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
