i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
