On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
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