Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
