dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
