We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
