i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
