You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You smell like a Billy Joel song
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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