Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
