Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
organizing the empties. That sober.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
