i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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