i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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