Screwed.edu
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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