I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
