Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
