i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
dude. I can hear the air.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
