just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
