I'm going to rape someone's good day.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
