So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
