Please, let me fuck your mom
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize