I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
