considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
