I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
