i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
