Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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