My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
