Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
