Soap is not a condiment
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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