I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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