Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
