if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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