My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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