sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
