I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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