we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
