The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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