I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
