Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
