It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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