i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she pinky promised me she was 18
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
