I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
