I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish I only lived at night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize