I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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