You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
