I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
