Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
