I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
