I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
