i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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