I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I didn't notice because vodka
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
