The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
