She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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