She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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