On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
